But I don't see anything here to celebrate.
Hi John. I browsed the thread, so maybe I missed something, but what is it you feel you are supposed to be celebrating? If there's nothing to celebrate, don't.
I don't have anything to celebrate either. I actually don't even care that much about celebrating a lot of stuff that I'm supposed to celebrate. I love Thanksgiving, but I can leave Christmas quite frankly. I've never liked New Years. I could give two hoots about Mother's Day. A "happy birthday' will suffice on my bday. Beyond that, its business as usual.
If I'm reading correctly you are heading into that final 'phase' of life. Me too. And there are some serious adjustments. My daughter is a Senior and will be leaving in one short year. Then what? I may take care of my parents, which would give me 'purpose', but they are really old so who knows where they will be in a year. My life is kind of on hold, if you will. I have no fricken clue what the future holds and that does scare me. I wish we were there, but I don't at the same time because I have to relish this last year with my kid....even tho she fricken scares me these days because she's impulsive....and just like me. Which is good and bad. I feel like I see this horizon approaching but I'm not there yet. But I will be, and fast.
So all those questions of what will I do, where will I live, I hope I have enough money, if I have to work who would hire my old azz, will I move back to cali, will I actually pursue another relationship (unlikely), will I travel (I think you mentioned that yourself in another thread).....future tripping big time.
I also know that my future is happening while I'm freaking out about it. So I try to stay in the moment. I suppose if I don't move back to cali I will get some kind of job. Maybe I'll travel the US a bit. I've been to Europe a few times so I'm not that interested in that right now. Although I've not been to Italy and Spain. So gotta do that.
There is nothing to celebrate. Just today. Its gonna be hot. I'm gonna go workout, do some yard work, maybe see a movie. I'm so grateful to be sober. And so grateful to not live in somewhere like Syria...where pondering my navel would be impossible because I'd be too busy trying to not get bombed or not starve to death. Life is good.
Happiness, sadness, ambivalence? Just feelings. They all pass. If I'm content that's all I can ask for.