what should I do with my alcoholic and depressed partner
Where to begin? we've been together one and half year, we met in New Zealand when we were both travelling there on a working holiday visa. He was honest to me at the beginning, said he’s an alcoholic for 5 years and he has depression since he was a teenager. He want to quit drinking, and he never deny his alcoholism. we've always been travelling in the past year, since we come from different country, kind have to, all the visa problems. We fight a lot over alcohol. He start being physically and mentally abusive. I start being crazy also. Every time he got a bottle, I try to pour it out, then we get into a fight, next morning we’ll hold each other crying and say sorry he’ll never drink again.. then, it happen again. he drink and we fight/argue from nz to china, then Indonesia. there were somedays he did really good without drinking, but never last more than 2 weeks. always some bad thing happen, to became his new excuse to start drinking again. now we are in Australia doing working holiday.. He become so mad recently, at everything, got fight with people after drunk at night, then got himself in trouble. I have realized i'm in an abusive relationship for a while, but it's so hard to let go, so hard to give up on him, to watch him suffer, I want to help so bad, but don't know how. we were trying to find a place to settle down, get a job, which, he said would help him a lot. but we just couldn't make it yet when we still travelling. and his mind set is he won't stop drinking until we settle down. but I can't deal with he drinking anymore, it drives me crazy, I thinking about breaking up all the time, and so many hurtful things he put on me, I'm mentally destroyed..but , who is going to help him? I'm the only one he has, I feel so selfish, but meantime I know it's the right choice for both of us. he is not only an alcoholic, he is in depression too. and I know partner's support means a lot to him. but, when I'm so mad at him drinking and when we argue so much, it dose't do any good for him. I tried to calm down, I searched a lot stuff online, I learned a lot, but when thing happened we do stupid things we couldn't control our anger... im so lost, so confuesed ,,don't know what to do? what's right? I just want to make the best choice for him, he needs more help than me. I'm still strong, positive, looking for a way out, for us, him and myself...but I'm so lost , and helpless..