Lostinthismess

From what I learned from leaving my stbx alcoholic and cocaine addicted cheating lying husband of 22.5 yrs is that I didn’t know how strong I really was. Staying was hard, leaving was hard and being stuck in between was the hardest part. For 2 mths after I left I wanted to still “save” him. Finally I realized I needed to “save” me. Leaving was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I left and held on tight to him. After leaving the 2nd time I realized I needed him to agree that I could go. He didn’t control me or even try to but I was codependent on his addictions and knew the only way I’d leave for good is if he agreed that was best for me. It took me 3 days of begging him to let me go, once he agreed I thought I was stabbed in the chest. Now I’m 5mths into being gone and everyday I’ve realized how much living in a world of fear was the worst world for me.
I do not judge ppl or tell ppl what they should do. I’m only sharing a brief look at my story. Whatever you do, you need to do for you and your children. You can’t worry about anyone else in this world but you and your babies. Please remember that this is your life too, not just your husband's. You matter and so does your happiness.