Originally Posted by
daredevil 
Not happy about it, not sad either.
It is what it is.
Not much more to say.
My desire to stay sober doesn’t parallel my deep desire for sporadic intoxication.
I desire permanent abstinence, but I can’t seem to get there.
[several minutes later]
i would encourage anyone with thoughts to speak, as bluntly as possible.
Originally Posted by daredevil
GT: thank you [blah blah blah blah blah] it did [help] me. —I just can’t beat the drink.
These two quotes are a day and a half apart.
Notice how the first post was very reasoned, logical, to the point, reflecting a strong understanding of the situation with openness and vulnerability for new and possibly productive feedback and discussion.
This is because after a binge there is a period of clarity while the BEAST of booze has been placated and its Addictive Voice bark has temporarily fallen almost silent. This is just like after any appetite is sated; clarity within the afterglow, relaxation, reflection, all that nice stuff.
And the fact that the host human landed in Secular Connections was a stroke of genius of his human intelligence. He knew something could be wrong with his whole direction of recovery and knew this was the right forum to get on a new track.
In the second quote, though, we notice that the AV is starting to bark again. Clarity of what is in play is avoided. No movement towards any further learning. “...it did [help] me.” Notice the past tense like it’s over. “Yikes! All that structural model stuff with the hands and all. That’s enough. No more AVRT needed. Whew!” All BEAST.
I would not be surprised if the human host can recognize a deep seated terror building within that maybe, just maybe, this might be getting close to the end of not only the ridiculous assaults of deep pleasure from alcohol that are ruining his life, but also the end of an immersion in an ongoing recovery Way of Life as an Alcoholic which is unnecessary and actually antithetical to becoming simply a permanent abstainer whose never drinking again uses up none of his future time and effort.
That terror, of course, is ALL Addictive Voice.
I also bet, he can recognize an inkling of, “YES, of course I can “beat the drink!” Or more accurately, “Of course I can abstain perfectly and forever from picking up, pouring into my mouth, and swallowing that first drink.” And that can’t help but feel a little bit good.