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Old 05-31-2018, 07:32 AM   #10 (permalink)
OpheliaKatz
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
 
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,193
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
I think i need to buy myself some time (about a year) before i make decision. I kind of see what is written on the wall, and have nobody to blame but myself if things go down again.
You can buy your self as much time as you like, but at the end of the day, that's still time you spend waiting. While you are still thinking about it, you need to get yourself into recovery ASAP. By "recovery", I mean you should go to Alanon or Naranon where you can get support for yourself (not your addict spouse). You should also read Melody Beattie's books. The kids, if they are old enough, should go to Alateen or any other program that supports kids of addicted parents. There are services out there, so please take advantage of them. It's good that you're posting here.

The danger during the "waiting period" is if you forget to educate yourself about your situation (not his situation, yours), and you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, your boundaries may start to erode more and more... until he starts to figure out that no matter what he does, as long as he comes back with an apology and an attempt to be sober, you'll forgive him... until his next mistake. What he has done already (the cheating, the lying) is bad enough, but by giving him a chance, you're telling him that on some level, you're going to accept that he did these things and that you can forgive him. If you can, that's not wrong, but you need to be very sure about that, otherwise you're just wasting your time and his. Addiction is a daily struggle for many addicts... and it seems that this is what your husband is going to be dealing with: a daily struggle. What you have now with him may be as good as it gets.

Have a read of the stickies on this forum (and the other one too). They are all really good, really informative. It should help you to keep coming back and reading stuff here.
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