He no longer smokes weeds. I have a restraining order against him for 2 years, but lawful contact is allowed.
You brought up a good point about “the kids don’t know better”. To be honest, I think im staying because of fear of raising my kids alone in this fairly mean world. When my husband lost his job and was out, I had to borrow money ($500) to avoid our utilities to be disconnected from relatives and close friend (they knew what was going on). I had never borrowed money from them or anyone until that day. I managed to make arrangement and pay what I could but was still short. They were going to disconnect the services. I felt so desperate and lost. So I called his friend at 7:45 am, and asked if he would be able to borrow me some, he hung up on me and told me to never call him because it makes his wife upset. He never returned my call. This is a man who had been my husband’s best friend for 20 years. He has young kids who were friends with ours. He used to invite us and our kids over to his big house on so many occasions.
Then I called his step mom ( his dad passed, a very wealthy man who left everything for his second wife didn’t leave his own kids a penny). She now lives in a big mansion with her own kids and grandkds. I thought she would help me and her grandkids. She told me straight up, “ I can only do $200, you need to send me a copy of your utility bill and I’ll make the payment online. I’m widow so I won’t be able further assist you in the future.”
And She paid part of the bill and I thanked her.
Truth is it hurt me that those people who use to love us now saw me and the kids as “ potential burden”. They stopped caring once the knew our situation but would be loving and kind when my husband had a job and was around.
I can’t blame them for feeling this way because they’re not responsible for me and my kids. I paid her back and thanked her but deep down, as a human being I felt very sad.
Our life is somehow comfortable. Please don’t judge. I’m an administrative assistant and make 3% of what he does. Per my lawyer, The spousal support is usually for 10 years at the most. Child support would cover the kids most basic needs. I will have to sell this house and move myself and the kids to an apartment or someone else’s basement... He wouldn’t be required to pay for our kids college if he didn’t want to. In 10 years, My kids will be 13, 16 and 20. Our oldest has autism and is on IEP I will be 45. I’m scared to do it alone. I’m scared I won’t be able to send my kids to college. I’m scared he will remarry and his new wife would hate my kids and keep them away from Him. Im afraid my kids would be ashamed of their situation and will
Turn into drugs or alcohol. I’m afraid of so many things. I simply don’t have the courage to really do it yet.
It has been 6 months since he’s back. He‘ has been sober, he is being attentive to my feelings, he helps around with the kids. He works the program ( AA ) and is doing well at work. He sees a therapist and psychiatrist and is in compliance of the court order. He is not defensive and listens when I’m mad or sad. He hasn’t smoked weeds, or relapsed or done drugs since he came back. When he’s in pain, he lays in bed in fetal position sweating and shaking. He battles the pain through.He’s doing his best.
When I wake up in the mornings, I think about all the things he did to me. The little voice my head is telling me, “ you re better than this”...but then I ask myself how am
I going to do it.
Thank you for reading this. It helps to be able to write this out.
Originally Posted by
trailmix 
There are a lot of betrayals in your story, it's not surprising you are feeling resentful.
One part I don't understand is part of his "excuse". He decides to leave your home and finds a place with some AA members. He wasn't even "sober" at the time, he was abusing percocet, so why was he looking for sober roommates? If he was going to be sober he could do that in your home and not be scared of being sent to the psych ward/having the police called.
Also he is 40 years old, why did he feel the need to move in with someone who would kick him out if he did drugs? It's unclear from your post what program he is in, is he in AA?
Do you trust him? Would he have cheated if he wasn't at such a low point? Who knows. Fact is he did. If the right circumstances were to occur again, do you feel you could trust him now?
Of course the kids are happy that he is home, this should not affect your decisions at all. They are children, they don't know that Daddy brought a knife in to the room while Mom was sleeping. That is the stuff of nightmares. You are their protector, all they know is that home is back to "normal", please put that aside when making decisions. "Normal" to a child is not necessarily normal in any other circumstance.
He is a drug user (still smoking weed?). He lied to you over and over and over about his relationship with the other woman. It wasn't a one night stand, he lived with her, took money from her, they had a relationship.
The fact that he coldly walked out on her is significant. He did that. He was in a relationship with a woman and abandoned her. That seems familiar.
He states he has never cheated on a partner before and based on your experience with him you believe him. You also believed that he was just this woman's room-mate. Please don't think I am laying any blame on you, just saying that perhaps he is just a really good liar. He didn't "confess" until you found the information and he couldn't lie about it anymore.
You've been put through the wringer by this man and I think you already know the writing is on the wall.
Something doesn't add up here. More will be revealed. Please have a plan B ready. I hope you are still working and perhaps able to put some money aside for yourself.
I'm sorry for your situation, it truly is terrible.