Originally Posted by
ScottFromWI 
Welcome to SR sober and thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry for your losses as well and understand how you would feel so lost at this point in your life. I'm glad you realized that alcohol is making it worse though - because it very much does. And I'm glad you are making an effort to quit.
Since you've already seen a doctor about it and they seem to think it's OK to quit on your own without any meds, i'd say why even bother "cutting down"? You've already quit, and since you know what will likely happen if you try to "moderate", why even give your addiction the chance? I also understand the fear of meds as a diagnosed health anxiety sufferer, but know that if it comes down to it - you have a responsibility to your other children to do anything you can to stay sober and be safe.
As usual, I concur with a lot of what Scott said here. Welcome, and I am glad you shared with us. Each of us has a story, and it is always heartbreaking to feel another person's pain- you are brave to share.
I'll be quick here (I can go on about the topic of tapering v cold turkey):
I was drinking about a handle of vodka every day and a half, two days (that's the biggest US size).
I quit cold turkey.
I went through a LOT- I did not go to the ER but I did see my GP, Psych and the liver dr they sent me to for tests and for meds, ultimately adding a benzo after my immediate w/drawal but still while enduring PAWS. I still take it (ativan) as needed, for anxiety.
I would not do it any differently if I had it to do over again (which I don't because drinking equals death for me).
Plenty of people are shocked or disagree or whatever when I say that i am firmly in the "cold turkey camp" - that's an individual choice. I know for absolute certain that I could never have successfully tapered. My alcoholic brain would have played endless games with it til I did indeed die, no doubt in the year, 18 mo that liver dr gave me.
It sounds like you have conflicting inclinations, advice, thoughts, etc on how to quit. I can only say that however you do it, I hope you do actually quit. Completely. Forever.
Best to you. Hope to see you here and sober with us!