Welcome to SR sober and thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry for your losses as well and understand how you would feel so lost at this point in your life. I'm glad you realized that alcohol is making it worse though - because it very much does. And I'm glad you are making an effort to quit.
Since you've already seen a doctor about it and they seem to think it's OK to quit on your own without any meds, i'd say why even bother "cutting down"? You've already quit, and since you know what will likely happen if you try to "moderate", why even give your addiction the chance? I also understand the fear of meds as a diagnosed health anxiety sufferer, but know that if it comes down to it - you have a responsibility to your other children to do anything you can to stay sober and be safe.