So so sorry Sagcitrine. This must be beyond painful. I'm glad to hear you are on a mini vacation at a friends.
In the next few months, take extra good care of yourself and circle the wagons in your life. Those months after leaving my XABF were months of hard core grieving. I read the book How to Survive the Loss of a Love over and over again. It is a short easy read so if you are a reader you might give it a try.
Also the path of grief tends to be up and down with a wide range of emotions. Ride all the feeling right on through. Yeah it can really suck.
Peace and healing to you beautiful one.