Originally Posted by
akrasia 
I am so unbelievably lonely I can't bear it. I honestly don't know how to go on.
Honestly, the greatest gift I ever gave myself in recovery was learning to sit with the discomfort of loneliness long enough to learn that being alone is not the same as being lonely.
ONLY alone could I learn what I really wanted from a partner, and find the strength of self to reject the unacceptable.
ONLY alone could I learn to take care of my own needs and wants--and I grew to really like having things my way all the time!
ONLY alone could I learn that what Hollywood tells you "love" is is actually mostly unhealthy dependence on others for validation and acceptance--and that real love comes from inside us, for ourselves. Without that, we are just latching on to whoever pays attention to us.
ONLY alone could I learn that I really was good enough as-is--for me and everyone else and if anybody disagreed, well--that's their problem, not mine.
And it's ONLY because I made time in my life to do all that, to gain all that, that I was ready for a healthy relationship when the right person came along in my life. We've been married eight years this August, and I only have that because I took three years out of my life before we met to really focus on myself and my issues.