Day 23 over
Hi everyone.
Just checking into see what life was like at day 1. I know 23 days is not a huge leap, but its good for me.
All i can say is WOW!!
Talk about an unstable mindset.
These 23 days ive been kinda stuck in a trance. Iam not overly happy, just dragging each day on. I guess my head is not used to being cheerful or happy just yet without alcohol.
Ive been exercising alot by riding my bike and doing a weights program. Ive increased muscle mass and lost some weight to boot.
Now i know i keep going on about the EX thing, but its safe to say iam moving on. These 23 days have all been to keep me busy to not think about it. I realized i was stuck in a delusion all this time. I was happy to sit here and drink myself stupid and idolize some relationship that ended months prior, i was happy as long as i had my bottle and my delusions.
When i saw the photos of them together and the information i read, it was like someone had smashed the fake TV screen of delusions right in front of me. I felt pain, raw pain. the shock, My heart felt like it stopped then done a double beat. Not because of her but because my delusion was shattered, it was like someone said to me "LOOK YOU FOOL, SNAP OUT OF IT!" - it was the hard truth.
Alcohol is evil, it will make you believe anything your brain spins up, it will keep you in a delusion trance.
I suddenly got plonked in front of this hill, the sober hill, there standing was me, and my head full of crazy thinking and unstable emotions waiting to be filed away, All i had was a blank canvas for my new life and a map with an arrow pointing to one word - Sober.
Everything that I am doing sober is painful because its tearing me away from the comfort zone and the delusions of the life i had built with alcohol - This is a good pain, this pain is growing pain.
it not hard to see that i can either
- stick with my pitiful bottle and my delusions
or
-Live a new sober life like the rest, and feel life and its lessons the hard but right way.
Being sober is not a chore, its a responsibility.