madgirl......other normal happy couples do not "fight like this". You are being subjected to chronic emotional abuse....and it is wrong for you to be treated this way. It is not your fault! He is the one who is in the wrong...and, he has no right to do so.
I do encourage you to consider ma king a call to the domestic violence organization that is closest to you. Remember that you do not have to be hit to be abused....there are lots of different types of abuse...one of them being emotional abuse. It can be just as damaging as physical abuse...it has all kinds of effects...over time, it can wear down your self confidence and self esteem. It can cause you to doubt your own self and your own thoughts....it can ca use one to feel like it is even difficult to think...or, to feel like in a sort of fog. And, of course, it can make you fearful....I think your fear is your inner voice trying to protect you in a potentially dangerous situation. You are not crazy---far from it. You are having normal reactions to a very unnatural situation.
Your desire to get support and help is a healthy thing.....it is the right thing for you to do for yourself....
We always say safety first. You will find that the folks who work at the domestic violence service are very compassionate and understanding people...and, they are, above all....not judgemental. They do this kind of work every day and are very familiar with what your situation is like. Their only goal is to help you, and keep you safe. They are totally confidential and do everything they can to protect your identity. They are not a government organization and will not contact your husband or give you away. You don't even have to give his name.
You can just call them an explain your situation, just like you have, to us. You are not obligated todo anything you don't want to do...and, they will always respect your wishes.
Just talking to someone who has your back can be such a relief. Just to know that your have someone that you can call at any time you need to. They can help you develop a safety plan, should you ever need it...and they have many resources to help, that you may not be aware of. They can offer you counseling....at hours and in places that you can access without having to tell your husband.
You are not obligated to tell your husband anything. This is for you and your own welfare...and you have every right to that. If you were ever put on a spot...you can always say that it is a woman's personal improvement group....t hat you need to maintain your sobriety.....(not exactly a lie).....
I know that you may be nervous to call...but, remember that the first call is the most difficult step to make....and, after that, it is much easier for you to talk....
Also, you don't ever have to be intimate with anyone that you don't want to. Remember that your body is a temple, and no one is entitled to it, but yourself.
You have every right to take care of your own welfare.....