Originally Posted by
madgirl 
I guess because I'm afraid people won't consider this REAL abuse. I truly know how this looks, but honestly, deep down, I feel like I deserve it. I know how psycho this sounds. I really do. But that is the core feeling.
That is the feeling many victims of domestic abuse feel - that it is somehow their fault. Those trained in helping you when you call or visit will expect you to feel that way. It does not sound "psycho" at all or have any reflection on intelligence. In a way addiction is very similar - we know better in every sense of the word, but we still deny it somehow.
Getting outside help from those trained to do so is the best way to go about it.