*hugs* I'm sorry you are going through this, I remember all to well the feelings of fear and anxiety I used to feel when I was still married to my qualifier.
I have some questions, you don't have to actually answer them so we can read your answers, but you may want to ask them of yourself.
Why did you decide to get sober? What steps have you taken to achieve and maintain your sobriety? Do you have a support network for that?... would any of the answers to those questions help you going forward?
What do you fear will happen if your husband knows you went to an alanon meeting? Are you scared for your physical well being?
Intimacy with a spouse is predicated on trust. Of course you don't feel romantically inclined towards a man who is behaving towards you the way he is. Who the heck in their right mind would want to?!
Take lots of deep belly breaths, it helps to keep the anxiety under control.
It's hard not to feel crazy when someone has been treating you the way your husband has been treating you. But you aren't crazy, you know in your bones, he is the one that is crazy, crazy with the disease of alcoholism. This isn't your cross to bear, I hope you manage to put it down.
*hugs*