Originally Posted by
calmself 
OP, Pretty sure you need professional help in addition to the support here. It is one thing that we black out and feel upset next day morning after a 6 pack and another if some one has to lose their jobs/ cause irreparable damage . You have to take a big decision, today, now.
Good observation.
I suspect that if I saw a medical professional I would be diagnosed with "something".
The thing is I know some things about diagnoses (medical illnesses) and I have the feeling that I'd just make him avoid giving me one of those diagnoses. I know that probably wouldn't be helpful for the bigger picture, but I'm aware the direction my mind locks into when dealing with any sort of "professional". I don't know if that's a mistrust of authority or something.
I had to do something for court years ago and for some reason I ended up with a psychiatrist appointment. I actually was very positive about it and I thought it might be a good idea to see if there was some sort of diagnoses (I was very open to it at the time)
But if I recall correctly the guy just rubbed me up the wrong way. I remember saying that I was almost medicating with alcohol (that's honestly what it felt like I was doing when I reflected on it...)
He turned around and cut me off and said something like "I just don't buy that"
So I felt not listened to and that my honest feelings where dismissed. I changed my demenour and then just told him what I believed he wanted to hear........
...gave me the all clear and a glowing report for court.