I used to hate being treated like a child too - but the longer I stay sober the more I look back and see me acting like an idiot teenager....
I can't tell you how to run your marriage man but I tell my wife everything - not telling my partners everything was part of my drinking behaviour not my recovery.
She might be a little passive aggressive even condescending for a while - but you know what - I reckon ultimately she might just be very receptive to the idea of you changing for the better by being let in on your struggle a little.
as for 'if' you relapse...no ifs - that can't be an option - not if you're serious about change.
I get it - you've never done it before - but neither had I until 11 years ago
You really can stay sober for good if you're prepared to work as hard as it takes
D