blueeyes84, sweetie,I have read your entire thread. I do understand why you feel you need to give him rides, I especially understand you driving him to work for financial reasons.
Maybe I misread or didn't comprehend a part where you explained that taking him on social outtings somehow forced you into attending the same social situation? I did read the part where you voiced to him you didn't want to do that and he disrespected your feelings and turned it into a fight. I can understand where you wouldn't want to have to go back and forth to drop him off and pick him up etc. I raised two kids, I know being the underappreciated chauffeur can be an expensive, time consuming, pain in the butt. I did not include myself in every event or activity I was driving my kids to, often I dropped them off and did something else until it was time to pick them up. Just a suggestion.
He said he doesn't need you. But he "needs" you to drive him around. You have agreed to do this so he can get to work , thus pay his bills.... and so that he will help look after his own dog. I understand that you feel this is the best option.
I can clearly see that this man is manipulating you and breaking your heart over and over, I hate to see that. I am so sorry you are going through this. I've been there. I was married to it for 22 years. I had kids, I didn't think I had options. I was wrong. I had options, I just didn't like them. Eventually I learned that there were options with in the options... the beginning of me learning about boundaries.
I would never tell anyone else what to do. When they ask for advice, I will ask them to examine why they do the things they do or allow the things they allow. It took me a long time to look inwards, in MY situation I was my own worst enemy, I kept allowing my AXH to treat me poorly so he kept at it. It didn't stop until I stopped it, he was never going to change...he still hasn't, but I have.
I truly am sorry you are going through this heartache right now, I know how suffocating, frustrating and confusing it is.
Wishing you strength, clarity and courage through these next few months.
Edit to add: You asked if its "normal" for alcoholics to say mean things. Yes. Also "normal" for them to play the push you away and pull you back in game like a yo-yo. While it is very TYPICAL it is FAR from normal.