Old 11-01-2011, 05:44 AM
  # 228 (permalink)  
flyawayfromhere
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: WI
Posts: 118
I so totally know I said I wasn't going to keep yakking on here...but I loooovvveee doing it so neener neener to me. lol

Oakwood, I had this problem last Friday and drank. I could tell I had Beast activity going on in my head but was just too tired to apply any AVRT to it...or so my AV said and I believed it. Anyway, I tried to take a nap and sleep through the urge and that didn't work, so then I took a bubble bath, thinking the relaxation could help me get through it but as soon as I stepped out of the tub, I knew I was going to get dressed and go get some beer...it was like my AV had taken over and was telling me it was now too late to change my mind and NOT drink. It was vertigo like you'd experienced too.

I think freethinking is right, that your AV can be telling you stuff beforehand that you don't realize is AV, so it seeps in and slowly gets a bigger grip. I'd been letting mine tell me about reversals of intent a few days beforehand. Also, when I thought I was the one thinking, "I'm too tired to apply AVRT", looking back, it really wasn't ME that was thinking that. I get sidelined when the AV uses thought not directly related to drinking...I don't immediately catch it as leading to drinking. When I thought about being too tired to apply AVRT, I figured it didn't matter because I still had no intention to ever drink again, but that's when my Beast had its chance to take over my thinking entirely...for which I did not anticipate to be so powerful.

But anyway, I hope you can see what might be the issue. There are ways to snap out of vertigo...you have every single moment before you drink the booze that you can stop and change your mind. For me, thinking that I could not decide to cancel my drinking plans was my Beast not wanting to loosen its hard-earned grip on me. When really, I had many chances to change my mind before the act of lifting the open beer can up to my mouth. And boy, that beer tasted as nasty as ever...funny how strong addiction is that you get convinced that drinking something that probably tastes similar to animal urine is just the best thing ever. ugh. gross.
flyawayfromhere is offline