Wow.. I'm absolutely amazed right now. Topspin sent me a PM saying that a few things I'm experiencing are being discussed in this thread. I had no idea that it was so common that someone wrote a book about it.
Originally Posted by
MrAverage 
- I have what I now call the "little kid" in my brain that's always begging, pleading, or "reasoning" with me
I suppose that's what I call my beast. About a year or so ago, I recognized that this voice that I though was my own was actually something else. I was pretty scared at first. I actually went to a psychologist once and felt too self conscious, both to bring that up, or to even go back for another session. Eventually, I just got used to it. That's when things got pretty bad. I posted for the first time yesterday, but last night was the first time I ever saw the little kid..
Originally Posted by
MrAverage I felt good as I turned off the lights to go to sleep.. tossing and turning, all night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw this demonic looking child.. something straight out of a horror flick...
...I think that little kid in my head knows that this time I'm putting up an actual fight instead of the usual passive resistance. I think he's scared that I'm really serious this time, so he's throwing a tantrum. It's amazing what kind of effect the unconscious mind has on the body.
Not an hour goes by without hearing the voice. Some nights I have conversations that last for hours with the voice. A typical conversation will go something like this..
[little kid] Hey! What a rough day huh? You deserve a beer.
[me] Dude, I drank way too much last night and I have to be up early tomorrow.
[little kid] You know for a fact that you'll feel just fine after one drink.
[me] Yeah, I know. But what about tomorrow? I really need to study..
[little kid] You've studied before while drinking, and you weren't nearly as frustrated as you normally get.
[me] Yeah, but I probably don't retain the information as well.
[little kid] You still have good grades right?
[me] It's only the beginning of the semester.
[little kid] Right! So you can afford to slack a little bit.
[me] Yeah right.. normal people don't "slack" 6 or 7 nights a week.
[little kid] What is normal? It's all semantics, media, and medical propaganda. They WANT you to think there's something wrong with you if you have more than a couple beers a week.
[me] Quit being stupid.
[little kid] Ok well what if we got everything on the to-do list done by tomorrow night. We could have a few then right?
[me] There's no way I'll get all of that done by tomorrow.
[little kid] You underestimate me. I'll remind you.
...So on and so fourth
A summary of last night's conversation (right before bed)..
[little kid] You know you can't pull this off right?
[me] What? Quitting? We've already proven I can't cut back. I think quitting will be easier.
[little kid] Lol! So you're going to go through hell, just to end up drinking again a few days from now? Such a waist of time.
[me] We've never tried quitting before. You realize that right? There's nothing to think about when you just quit. No planning times and days. No deciding what gas station to go to. No worrying about being hungover before class. It's just simple.
[little kid] Oh yeah? What are you gonna tell your friends and family when you go home for Thanksgiving? That you're an alkie and you can't drink with them anymore?
[me] I'll worry about that when I get there. I'm just focused on today.
[little kid] You're just wasting your time.. just suffering unnecessarily.
[me] We'll see.