I think my main issue is i cant remember what its like to have fun without drugs.
Not saying I dont believe it can be done just i cant remember so the immediate thought of a life without drugs seems bleak.
I was thinking about other things id quite in the past and ive quit both smoking and alcohol.
alcohol wasnt hard for me because i wasnt really fond of the effect anyhow.
Smoking was harder altho i used to enjoy smoking and drinking together and smoking after meals.
Both of them were easy to stop at one point tho since I got allergies (which were ironically triggered after taking drugs one night) so after that it was easy to stop as they made my allergies worse- smoking especially.
I guess on that reasoning we can surmise I value my health more than taking drugs which i suppose it a step in the right direction.
Is this whats called 'whiteknuckling' it?