What I have been doing with limited "success" is silencing myself from fully communicating my worries, frustrations and dissatisfaction to my SO. This has done nothing to make things with him any better, but it has been a strategy to prevent me from being a bother. I expect a whole lot less from him while drinking than I would sober.
Obladi, I think I relate to what you are saying here. Tell me if my experience is similar to yours.
While drinking and reaching extremes of anxiety, anger, frustration on a regular basis, I drank to numb these feelings to an extent, partly because my SO, bless her, was not capable nor did she deserve to deal with this miserable aspect of me. Instead of opening communication, I stuffed it shut because my guilt made it hard to ask for support, especially when I has behaving badly towards her. So, I expected less of her, and I demanded less of her while passed on on the couch.
In early sobriety, I was afraid to re-engage, I was afraid to open the bottle of stored emotions. Most of these feelings were alcohol induced, and became much more manageable without alcohol. I have also returned to that self that could have these open and frank discussions again in a supportive and mindful manner, so that is a good thing too.
It has really turned out better than expected.
So my AV says 'Relationships are hard and this one is a doozy - drinking will make you not care'.
My rational self says that relationships are hard, yes, but soooooo much easier without the added struggle of alcohol. I can be real, and present, and supporting her now. That's what partnerships are, I guess.