Originally Posted by
Peta 
I've read through all your posts and Dalek your stuff about relapse was SO empowering for me. I knew from my work with Jack and reading the book etc that any self doubt is AV or crap like "oh yeah this again you've said you were quitting forever SO Many times and what makes this time different etc" was AV but you're framing of it that the Beast will point towards the fix and then when we get it use it against us is powerful.
That shift is not meant to downplay what happened, but it is certainly meant to snap someone out of the passive, detached onlooker role, and to put them back in the driver's seat. Some people, often in positions of authority, will actually tell you the same thing that your Addictive Voice is probably saying: "If you could have quit, you would have quit, but you didn't quit, which proves that you can't quit."
I once fell for this circular logic myself, which can be very discouraging, and in my case, deadly. For a while, I just gave up on the idea of ever being able to quit, and resigned myself to dying drunk, impaled on the horns of the Beast. It's complete nonsense, though, nothing more than pristine Addictive Voice, because the only thing drinking or using again "proves" is that you didn't quit, not that you can't quit.
Originally Posted by
Peta Even more powerful that while I knew this, I was still holding onto some 'powerless' thinking from AA RE my relapses were a sign of disasterous powerlessness and impending doom when in fact I had just SUCCECCED in drinking, my AV was able to seduce me into connecting IT's desire with my desire and I drank.
Your Beast has a Big Plan for you, Peta, which is that you will definitely drink again. You probably know by now that the Beast's agenda will never change, so you need to be very clear on
your agenda, and to never confuse one with the other.