Originally Posted by
zenchaser 
Reading his book has left me with some questions. One being do I really never want to drink again? Maybe I do. I have many reasons to stop. But I think I need to inspect my AV for awhile with this new perspective before I jump into a Big Plan. I'm sure you will all think this is pure AV but I'm asking myself how bad is my drinking really? Before I commit to a Big Plan I think I really need to consider this though. Is my problem worthy? Only I can really decide. There is a sense of being at odds with myself.
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I have learned that the only way to control my drinking is to not drink.
Me.
There isn't much to "inspect" in the Beast or IT's bark (the AV). IT's simply defined purely for Recognition of IT's waning existence. I've compared IT to a caged rat being immersed into a tub of water clawing at the top for it's last breaths of air. Not much to "inspect".
It sounds like you really want to inspect yourself, your intelligent decision-making about drinking some more, outside of the parameters of AVRT. Would it be wrong for you to drink some more later on? I decided yes, knowing it would be the easiest way to get on with the rest of my life. Time has taught me to forget what drinking was like, or how it felt to be under the influence. And my Big Plan has precluded me from ever discovering it again. And that's not a problem. It's a relief.