Do you still want to drink Brynn? Without the right/wrong, moral/immoral, do you want that? I can say for the first 6 months or so I was dangerously close to being pulled back in. Once I had enough time in to wrap my head around "this is over" I felt relief that I might actually pull through. I don't look at drinking that way anymore. I still stay on it because I don't want to be in the 40% that relapse after making it this far. The longer I go and the more of my original self I get back the less sense it makes on any level.