Welcome Pumpkin. No judgement from me, I can assure you. You are doing all the right things seeking treatment. I learned the hard way though, that talking isn't enough. You need a plan of action. A detailed plan that will keep you away from drinking each day. This might include getting rid of all alcohol in the house, planning activities when you usually drink. And coming to SR every day.....for hours if necessary to read and seek support. It really works if you do it. Tormenting yourself with shame will push you further into the addiction. Its really important to look forward now, one day at a time.
Support to you.