Thanks for the links Carolitta I will make sure to check them out.
Quick update as to where am. I am drinking nightly, about a half bottle of 70 proof rum. I am also taking about 2mg of Xanax. Bad combo I know. I have also ordered a couple of bottles of marijuana concentrate to vape, I know this is all bad, but I will probably vape all the concentrate until it is gone. Just trying to be honest here.
I do not plan to order more. When I drink it lowers my inhibition to get the pot. I have even considered taking the 5 hr drive each way to DC where I can but it legally, crazy I know, I 10 hour trip to buy weed!! I've done it several times before , once I nearly wrecked my brand new car (like a week old) because I was high and think I passed out for a few seconds. It helps me to write this crazy stuff out.
The bad thing is that it is accomplishing exactly what I want it to. I have been going through a very tough time with my ex-wife. Nothing that she has done, she is a saint and has gone through so much for me over the years and even now, 14 years after the divorce still cares deeply. However with the booze I am not having to deal with the emotions. It has been great. I know I can not continue this way. My therapist had to cancel today, and I was really grateful that wouldn't have to go through all of this with her.
Anyway, all advice is welcome. I may not take it immediately, but I do read it and file it away. Thanks for your advice in advance, I really appreciate all of the love and support I have always gotten from this place,
Hoping everyone is in a better place than I am. Take care