SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Need perspective
View Single Post
Old 04-24-2018, 08:46 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
wiseheart
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 104
Lovelost,

Having grown up around domestic violence and having worked with DV survivors, I agree with all of the other posters here.

Please listen to that voice inside that led you here. That voice is the part of you that loves and cares for you. It’s telling you to not deny or minimize. It knows that his behavior is not normal/healthy and that you deserve better.

I hope you choose to follow that voice and all of the wise advice here. If you need more, I would suggest googling "grooming" in abusive relationships. The situations you describe have many of the telltale signs of the grooming behaviors that abusers use- using charm to manipulate, expressing undying love early in the relationship, pushing you to fall in love quickly, creating emotional debts, telling you that you are wrong for feeling your feelings, etc.

Everytime you give in, bend to his will and blame yourself, he is taking note and keeping score. It gives him the encouragement that he needs to go further the next time until any connection that you have to your own inner wisdom, self-worth, self-respect and self-love is completely severed.

What you are describing is not a healthy relationship based on mutual respect, trust and love. You deserve so much better. I think you already know this. If you don't, then please trust that small wise voice inside you for now, leave the relationship and begin doing the work to find that love for yourself. I am no expert in relationships, but I do believe that we can't find real love in relationships until we love ourselves first.

I am sending you a big hug in the meantime.
wiseheart is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to wiseheart For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-24-2018), least (04-25-2018), Opivotal (04-24-2018), Rar (04-25-2018), SoManyQuestions (04-24-2018)