Hi all, just wanted to check in here, it's been Sooo long since I've posted. I do pop in once in a while to read though.
I hit 2 years sober on Dec 5 2017. I wish I could say things are fabulous but I just can't seem to fix my life. I know what I 'need' to do I think, but can't bring myself to do it.
I've been with 'him' for about 40 years, since I was a kid, and it's all I know right now and I think it might be worse leaving.... We are business partners only, but still legally married so I'm in a total rut there.
But anyway, was having drinking thoughts after all this time, scares the heck out of me. I know I would face complete mental devastation come morning if I went that route.
I've found moments of peace in my life. I don't have that soul destroying guilt and shame that I lived with during my alcoholism.
I live every day just doing 'the next right thing.' I try my best to be a great mom and my kids know that now, and I really do have great kids.
I just haven't found life happiness, I go through my days putting one foot in front of the other.. I honestly do not have a single friend that I can just talk to. (extreme shyness that I also can't get around without the drink) I talk to myself more & more lately. I live with chronic physical pain that I no longer have relief for. I can no longer numb my mental anguish, or stop the racing thoughts. Nothing really works, and yes in all my sober time I feel I Have tried everything. Nothing works like the alcohol did, even if it was just temporary.
But I'm sober and have no plans to drink at the moment. Just wanted to say hi and maybe get some ideas on how to get through the rest of my life, whatever time I have left ..to suffer through, lol.
Hope you all are well.