Wholesome

This is one of the areas of my life that is still problematic. Before I quit drinking I always had lots of plans for the weekend and would have said I had a fairly active social life with many friends. That has changed in the last year or so - I hardly ever see most of those people anymore, they haven't gone anywhere and I could still include myself in that scene anytime I wanted to do, but I don't. Taking substances use out of the picture as a means to socialize has been very revealing to me, it was the glue that held many of my relationships together, without it the pieces don't hold together.

When I do get lonely enough or allow myself to get guilted enough to attend some of these parties, I find that I don't feel comfortable, I don't relate, I don't find the stories funny or cool the way I used to. It's a reminder of who I used to be and it causes me to turn away. I can see and hear their Beasts and it makes me anxious and upset.

On the other side - I've done some things this year that I would never have done had I still been drinking. I've gone dog sledding up North in absolute frigid conditions where it was about endurance. I've been ax throwing where I almost won the tournament. I'm going to Japan next month. I can play the piano again and actually make it sound good. I've lost 25 lbs and look like my old self again. My family has done a lot of counseling and healing.

I still find this to be a very solitary journey though. And I still feel like I let fear hold me back and I hate that. It's easy to go along to get along and I did that for a long time - it was fear of losing friends that held me back from quitting and now it's fear of being outed as sober that holds me back from making new friends. It's somewhat irrational, I know.

I wonder what other's who use AVRT experiences with this has been? For people who go to meetings it must be easier to create a new social life without substance use, and I'll be honest, I've considered going to meetings just to meet people, but I never do it because it would feel disingenuous and hypocritical considering how I really feel about them. I am so ready to stop hibernating though! It's been one hell of a winter here in Canada and I've been stuck on these midnight shifts and I'm starting to feel like a recluse here. That's why I'm up and online at 3am - because I've become a creature of the night.

How did some of you go about finding a new social life, or did you at all? Did it just happen on its own over time?