Old 04-20-2018, 04:37 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
spintires
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 9
On the verge of suicide because my father has no idea how much his alcoholism affected me..

... and I want him to learn his lesson.

He's been an alcoholic for almost 20 years; not continuously, there were progress, up and down, many bad things happened, though: he lost his hearing to the left ear because of this, he destroyed our TV and VHS player (not intentionally but still), a car almost ran over him, and of course he's (or his addiction) robbed us a horrific amount of money.
My point is, none of these have stopped/affected him.

I've threatened him with suicide a few times, of course he promised me he'll change (and pretended to care), tried to talk me outta that, I was stupid enough to believe it. Few weeks later, he's plastered again (and in my understanding, he did so to intentionally go back on the promise and hurt me)

I feel like he won't change/ ever learn the lesson (and understand what he's been doing to me/us) unless a disastrous thing happens to him- that would be me ending my life (if nothing else)

I know I see things in an unhealthy way, but I cannot help it.
He's ruined my whole childhood/early adulthood, and I feel like there need to be some kind of retribution. This cannot go unpunished.

Has anyone here felt like I do?
spintires is offline