Originally Posted by
Morning Glory 
How do you get to the point of "Never" when the biggest part of you feels like that is not possible and you can't find any part in you that wants "Never".
It helps to understand that there are, in fact, two survival mentalities competing with each other for control.
The Beast ("IT"), which views abstinence as a death sentence, and the "I", which understands that continued indulgence means very big problems, and eventually, death.
The Beast will attack your confidence to abstain, even your character, and will argue that you are congenitally defective, in dire need of that precious stuff in order to be able to live a normal life.
All lies, of course.
Addiction is a prison without locks, since the exit is readily available. Warden Beast screens all thinking for any incipient plans to cut off the supply, however, and IT will add its two cents if you consider walking through the exit.
It will paint life as a boring, meaningless, hollow existence outside of ITs prison yard, and paint itself as a loving friend, always there in times of need. Within the bubble of addiction, this illusion appears to be reality.
It takes, unfortunately, a leap of faith to burst the bubble. Find that tiny spark of hope for freedom, and fan it into a roaring flame. The exit has been there all along.