Thank you Greenwood,
It feels so alien to say, that's it, I've made my Big Plan. I'm recovered.
I'm going to do the flash cards every day, to remind myself of my self-determination. And I'm going to learn as much about AVRT as I can.
Thank you, you don't ignore the Beast, you recognise it, and I'm very new to that.
I can also understand that any of my previous 'just for today' thinking will give fuel to my Addictive Voice. However, this is all very new - which leads to the idea that there must be more to learn, to really 'get it' - but that is my Addictive Voice as well. Wow, powerful stuff.
I had an AA ring last night, she's very frail, and has leaned on me considerably over the last few months. I found that I couldn't talk to her. I can't do that mind-set. I have always been in a state of cognitive dissonance with that recovery ethos.
You are right - and I am out. The concept that I need continual support is what makes me weak, because it feeds my enemy.
I have self-determination - therefore I chose not to be a drunken loser any more, ever.
Previously, I have been told to 'take the cotton wool out of my ears and stuff it in my mouth'. Not just me, anyone who isn't 'getting it'. Any point at which I disagree is 'stinking thinking'.
I just disagree, not because I know anything about sobriety, but because I know for a fact that I do not have a disease.
If I don't have disease, then I am culpable for my own actions, end of story.
I'm going back to RR now, and will read the whole thing through.
Many thanks for you insight!