Originally Posted by
honeypig 
Ovity, I also want to point out something that you'll likely come across soon, if you haven't already: "Functioning" is a stage of alcoholism, not a type. All alcoholics "function"--until they don't.
I'd like to share the following piece of wisdom posted by another SR member in the past about "functioning" alcoholics, and whether that is really what they do or not:
I'm not going to be very eloquent here, but when people who aren't in it use the phrase "functioning alcoholic" or imply that the situation isn't that difficult because the alcoholic is able to maintain a job and doesn't beat anyone, or because they "obviously" care for their families, those people are dismissing the biggest parts of what makes humans who we are. The fact that a person can hold a job, can move about the world without stumbling and hurting themselves or others, that they can make a sandwich for their kids - those functions don't make a human a full and complete human. A robot can do all of those things. To truly function, a human has to be able to do more than that, and honestly a human doesn't need to be able to do the things above to be able to "function" as a human being. The other things - like connecting to others with truth - are so much more important. I've come to the realization that there's no such thing as a functioning alcoholic. There may be physically capable alcoholics, but that's as far as I can go.
Hope that helps to clear up a little corner of the fog for you...
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I've been feeling nothing but guilty the whole time for feeling like this. I am not an American, have been here for 3 years by myself struggling with life, paying for school more than the residents, trying to work as much as my legal status allows me to do so. I've been a very dedicated student and i love learning, helping people, teaching and working. When I see my boyfriend living like this... It just doesn't make any sense to me. Although I did it in the past myself, I knew why I was living the way he does now. Social pressure, family pressure is really high in middle eastern countries and that's not something I could handle as a free spirited person. I made bad choices instead of working through those issues or finding my way out earlier. I am nowhere near to be judgemental but am disappointed when the promises made at the beginning aren't met.
Like one of the comments mentioned above, it's not a healthy relationship if you have to fight as much as we do within the first year. I love him very much, he is one of the best people I've ever met has a big heart. I, on the other hand, only care so much about good qualities and leave people for not being able to "function" at the same level as I do. I don't know if it's the right decision in this case since I'm not ready to give up on him yet...