(((((Bonbon)))))) -
I am so sorry for your loss..I am sending prayers your way...
I too remember the feeling of relief when my brother died..(he committed suicide because of this disease)...For me it was a "well..now I don't have to take care of him anymore"...It's been 6 years for me and I don't feel any guilt anymore..
I think that what you are feeling are probably a natural reaction..There is nothing we can do to save our loved ones..That is what I hate about this disease!!
Be gentle with yourself...