Blackouts became the norm for me too. At first I thought there was a baseline to the level of horrors I could expect to wake up to the next morning. I used the excuse of it's clearly "too late to stop now" for quite a while.Then I found the blackouts were not only increasingly frequent, but I was doing increasingly crazy (and often dangerous) things.
Truly terrifying to realize you're spending a good chunk of your time operating as if possessed or sleepwalking.