I too am a functioning alcoholic. I have seen from the many posts on this board that the "functional" doesn't last. I am so scared of having nothing to douse my feelings with. My little REWARD at the end of a tough shift. I think we are all so scared of just "feeling" of just "being" A chemical substitute works wonders for a few hours. Going without is a feeling akin to taking off all your clothes and standing naked in the street.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Don't give up. I haven't and am getting sober days under my belt. Someone once said on this forum that living sober is like going to a foreign country where not one person speaks your language. I really related to this. Not knowing HOW to live a sober life.