cgc - I didn't catch this thread the first time around, but I'm glad I've read it and that you're lnow getting the support you need. Congrats on your baby girl to come.
By some miracle I was able to stay sober during my pregnancy, but afterwards? Like Mer described, I was a terrible parent while I was drinking. I placed my son in danger countless times due to my addiction, so whether it's drinking while pregnant or strapping a child into the backseat of a car while drunk, I'm no 'better' than you are.
I had some rough PPD after giving birth, so bonding with my son took me some time. I was also flummoxed and felt like something was 'wrong' with me, because we all assume that it's instantaneous and unconditional. It took time, but that bond DID come, and it was fierce. My son is 4 and he is my entire world. And now that I'm in recovery, those deep feelings of guilt and self-loathing can be left in my past.
I hope you keep coming back and checking in here at SR.