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Old 03-14-2018, 10:25 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
MCESaint
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 151
Look, I like having this forum because I don't have access to a group of people who can "relate" to having an AW, AH, ABF, AGF, etc.

On the other hand, I also *hate* this forum from time-to-time too.

One of the things I hate is the "binary thinking" and urge to label - good parent/bad parent; in recovery/not in recovery, etc.

Truth is, we are ALL less than perfect humans and, therefore, less than perfect parents, husbands, wives, etc.

In my case, my daughter moved out NOT ONLY because she had issues with mom, but she had issues with me too related to how *I* dealt with the situation. I got to own my portion. If you're not owning your own chit, then you're not doing it right, IMO. Fortunately, D and I are working through many of those issues; but it's a work in progress.

I think recovery for an addict is like that too: a work in progress.

So I think less in terms of "is W *in* recovery?" (State 1) or "is W *not* in recovery?" (State 2); but I think in terms of analog -- she's no longer drinking (State = 0) but she's not well enough to be out in the real world (let's say, that's State = 10). Let's call the state she is in (hospitalized and detoxing) State = 0.185. Hopefully, she'll move on to State 2.01 and then to State 2.35, etc.

But, honestly, I believe for her (if not for most addicts) "progress" is going to be more like State = 2.01 to State = 0.55 to State = 1.99 to 2.57 to 3.012 to 2.10, etc. In other words on the road to State = 10 "well enough to be in the real world" the graph looks more like a mountain range than a ramp.

Having said that - my words to AW sound a bit like Yoda: "Do or don't do. There is no try."

As for me, I'm trying really, really trying hard not to get caught up in her daily/weekly blips of going up or down on the scale. It's ONE way for ME to get off of HER roller coaster.

MCESaint
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