Firesprite - thanks for this thread and your courage in trying to break the cycle by creating a different relationship with your daughter. So difficult, but so worth it. My FOO is also agitating right now as ABabyBro has now left rehab (again) and is back on the sauce and not answering his phone and so the general alarm goes up - I am like, "How is this news to freak out about? This man has chosen to drink. No new news, nothing to see here! Same old, same old..."
Hummer,
It flares up periodically but just now is particularly bad. When I receive negative comms from them I have physical symptoms including racing heart and shortness of breath etc - have accepted the reality of our relationship (took years) but really need to learn how not to allow it to affect me so much - if anyone figures that out or has tips - I’d welcome them!
Literally yesterday when my phone blew up with toxic messages from my AMiddleBro about ABabyBro and my Mother started emailing and leaving VMs of freaked out messages, I was totally hyperaroused and stressed but I resisted the urge to respond at all and I remembered at the Community College near me they have a Massage Therapy program and the senior students run a massage clinic for $30!!! I zipped over there and got a 1 hour shiatsu massage - deep tissue and very good for stress relief. It was awesome and just clicked me right into a better place. I felt both relaxed and powerful, still do today. It just shut the stress response in my body right off.
Can't change the crazy people, can only feed my own strength and freedom.
Peace,
B.