tomsteve

nita, you havent been judged once here. this site is similar to if you went to a counselor or therapist- you say whats going on and they sy what they see. except here its free, more feedback from different viewpoints, and from people that have been there,done that.

when i was getting sober i heard a CRAPTON of the truth and had the same reaction. when i was workin with that man i mentioned earier i heard a CRAPTON of what i didnt want to hear. when i started working on the codependency i heard a CRAPTON of what i didnt want to hear( a certain someone here has a crowbar they worked real hard to pop my head out of my arse). some of the crap hurt like hell to hear and read, but it was excatly what i needed to hear and read.
i reached out. people responded. the message had weight-no sugar coating. no babying. no coddling. those people responded with care and love- they carried the message the way they know how( i can see today that they have no reason to change how they carry the message just for me) and it saved my ass and my life. it helped give me life.
they could have just walked on by me and let me struggle along. but they didnt-they wanted to help.

even Jesus was quite harsh carrying His message- he grabbed a whip and started chasing people with it at one point.
on the day of pentacost- when peter was preaching and to- the crowd," this Jesus, whom you crucified..."
he said that twice. personally i dont think it came out sounding all lovey dovey( especially when he was trying to help people find Jesus)- i think there was some weight to it. but it was said out of love.

didnt like a lot i heard, got defensive, and FELT i was being judged. although i wasnt. in every instance, i was told what i was told out of love. i cant thank those people enough fo my sobriety, life, my peace,sernity,and happyness.


fear of being judged-low self esteem- was major for a very long time for me. it kept crap bottled inside and no solutions received. by opening up i was able to work on me - find causes and conditions,and the most important part- solutions.
i dont give a rats ass what others think of me today, ESPECIALLY when i reach out for help.

open up and give it time. eventually you may be blessed as i am- sitting here remembering some of the times years ago i got defensive at hearing what i needed to hear and laughin about it.

i was a HUGE pile of jumbled up thinkin,confusion,chaos, and a crapton and a half of a crapton more!


ok, that may be all friggin jumble up and read like the most confused rambling crap( yeahyeahyeah- nothin new for me, eh? )
im not awake yet( yeahyeahyeah-someone prolly sayin,"dam,tom, you must never be awake! ) andno caffeine.
hope sumthin there made sense.