Thanks Givenup2018, I read the book a year or so ago.
[QUOTE=trailmix;6816657]
I agree that the term is used too widely. Not everyone involved with someone who is addicted is a codependent.
That said, I think codependency has a spectrum. You don't have to fit all the criteria to maybe have some things you can work on that might benefit you. What you have described, I believe, would be at the very high end of that spectrum (possibly a bit right over the top end).
Yes I also think codependency has a spectrum. And I think its good for people to learn about codependency, and be aware of warning signs. And if a person identifies with the behaviors then to take steps to modify behavior and also possibly seek additional professional help. I think like an addiction to substances, you either have to realize you have a problem on your own often by facing negative consequences, or the people who know you personally may see signs and address the issue with you. Just like an addiction to substances there may be denial of the problem, or it may spark something inside that marks the beginning of change. I think recovery for codependency can be riddled with relapsing behaviors, and often the pendulum can swing the other direction to the opposite extreme. And that may or may not be recognized as an issue.
Does that not mean that addicts should be able to pick up the big book, or do intense research on their addiction and how it affects their brain and fix themselves?
What I meant was that often codependents seem to believe they can love their partner into better health and sobriety. Yet if you ask that same person if they can love a cancer patient back to health, or correct a bipolar disorder in another person - they will say no, they need medical help. I cant fix that.