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Old 03-09-2018, 09:30 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
Wamama48
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Spot on post Firebolt!
Originally Posted by firebolt View Post
OK - I know this is how this all sounds to you.

For the record, we don't think active alcoholics are scum or worthless garbage....however...many of the things they do are pretty scummy, so...

We ALL love or loved alcoholics, and we've all felt the way you feel.

The reasons for disassociating from him entirely:

1 - you've known him for a couple months and hes put you through complete hell in that VERY SHORT amount of time.
2 - he does not want to stop drinking right now, so, this is as good as it gets my friend. It ONLY goes downhill from here, and from what you've been through, that's hard for me to even imagine.
3 - you are VERY invested in this person in a very short amount of time, and that's codependent behavior (ask us why we can spot that a mile away )
4 - Per # 3, you gotta figure out why you are so invested in someone you've known a couple months, and you can't do that when you are so focused on him
5 - we aren't recommending this because he needs "tough love" we're recommending this because he will drag you down through the pits of hell (more than he already has) if you don't save yourself
6 - you are very focused on helping someone who does not want to help themselves - and you cant - but if you're like us (and I think you are).... you'll kill yourself trying to help him and won't realize it until you wake up one day and and it occurs to you that you have migraines, insomnia, high blood pressure, hair loss, weight loss, weight gain, ptsd, and a couple years shaved off your life due to stress....OH and a lovely general feeling that you are a shadow of your former self, relatively soulless, and have NO sense of self - who you are, where you are going, or where you want to be.

If you don't believe me on this, keep doing what you're doing and check in with us here in 2 years...

You can love someone and hope the best for them from a distance - especially when they are in wrecking ball mode and don't give a crap who they hurt around them (friends, family, innocent motorists...)

The best thing to help him and yourself is to get out of the way. There is nothing you can do to support him until he is ready to help himself.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh - I remember being thoroughly offended when I first got here.....but please, PLEASE keep reading!

And (((HUGS)))) to you - there is no pain quite like loving an addict.
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