SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Can I Still Help Him?
View Single Post
Old 03-09-2018, 09:28 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Behold the power of NO
Carlotta's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,476
Hi Nita

I was re reading my post and I want to apologize if I sounded a bit short. As years pass and recovery truly sets in, it s easy to forget how easy it is to get sucked into our partner's madness.
Like everyone else who answered you on this thread, I have been through the wringer of trying to save someone who did not want to save himself.
I lost count of times I took my XABF to detox and rehabs.

The most notorious one being right after 911 when I dragged him to detox in Staten Island. They had just reopened some of the streets by ground zero, cops and military were everywhere and here I was, dragging a drunk middle Eastern looking big guy past all the security points to get him to treatment!!

I also remember the anxiety of not knowing if he was alive or dead, drunk or sober, if he was going to walk out of treatment or stay.... you name it (TomSteve, I need the Circus Music here LOL).

My point is that we have all been through the wringer here and while you might feel deep inside that "you two are different" so did we and no we weren't. You have been dating him for only a short while and we are trying to "save" you from the upcoming pain and anxiety. Of course, the same way you cannot save your friend, we cannot "save" you. We can only share our experience.

Like us, you are a kind caring person who wants to help and rescue someone you care about. We get it. The thing is that you cannot change people no matter how much you try and no matter how right you are. You just cannot save someone who does not want to save himself

Be kind to yourself
Carlotta is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Carlotta For This Useful Post:
Bird615 (03-09-2018), CentralOhioDad (03-16-2018), firebolt (03-09-2018), honeypig (03-09-2018), Sleepyhollo (03-09-2018), tomsteve (03-09-2018), trailmix (03-09-2018)