Everyone is absolutely correct that I do not know enough about this disease in order to truly understand what is going on. I respect everyone for their advice and taking the time to give me their opinions.
I think I can accept that I'm not going to be the answer to his problem. I can't fix him. That's been made very clear to me. However, the part I still haven't been able to understand is why so many have told me to completely disassociate with him entirely.
I get it, a relationship is not the right choice. It's not smart for me to baby him through situations. But doesn't he still deserve love and support? Why am I being encouraged to treat him like he's worthless garbage? I thought people struggling with disease deserve care and affection just like anyone else. I'm getting mixed information.... one minute I'm told alcoholism and addiction are a disease just like any other disease, next, I'm being told his condition makes him the scum of the Earth and it doesn't deserve the time of day.
I understand rock bottom. I understand tough love. But at this point, he's been missing for close to 24 hours without a trace. When I kicked him out yesterday, I didn't ask where he was going and I doubt he was coherent enough to tell the cab driver a real address. I'm not supposed to help find him if I'm the last person who saw him? I'm not supposed to care that he's kind of missing? I shouldn't feel concern for his well-being? I'm not allowed to feel just a little remorse or guilt should he turn up hurt/sick/dead?
He's homeless, jobless, suffers from anxiety and depression, and has real medical issues. Why is it so wrong to want to know that he is at least somewhere safe? Why is it so wrong for his family and I to support each other through this really scary and emotional time?
He hasn't called. I haven't called him. I've minded everyone's best advice to let him be and trust that he'll either make the decision to get cleaned up or he won't. I've decided that I can't accept him as an alcoholic and I plan to enforce my stand on him not returning to my home. I've decided that a relationship with him is not smart and it's only hurting both of us if I continue. But now, the situation has turned. I live in Tampa. His family is 2 hours away. He doesn't know anyone here and has no where to go. At this point, his parents are getting very worried about the worst and they are asking me if I've heard from him. I haven't tried to contact him and I feel like I need to be mindful of the advice that I have been given. His parents are concerned that something serious has happened. It's upsetting me and I'm becoming concerned. Is this normal? Do I continue to act like I don't care and ignore their pleas for help/information on finding him?
No one has information on his whereabouts and his parents tell me that he hasn't answered a single call or text.
If alcoholism makes him the scum of the Earth and I'm to cut off all association with him and his parents, what happens if this situation escalates? What role do I take in providing information to the police for a missing person's report? Identifying him should he be found in a hospital? What if he turns up at my door while there is an active search for him....do I let him stay in my home while I contact authorities to turn him over? Or do I send him away so that I protect myself and contact authorities only after I've kicked him out again?
If alcoholism is a disease and people who suffer from it deserve care, support, and love (maybe not romantic), what then? Does my role change? Am I supportive friend who wants to do their part to locate a man who may or may not be in serious danger? Or do I brush everything off and act smug towards the situation because I've been told "You've had enough. Save yourself." and advised to leave him forever? Is it possible to be concerned and love him from a distance so that I'm protected, but that he still understands there are people who care for him and want him to make the choice to get better? And what happens if it isn't better. What if we find out the worst and he is severely injured or had another seizure and is now dead or dying? Am I allowed to grieve? Am I allowed to feel human emotion for him and his family?
Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm right on track with what I'm supposed to feel in a situation like this. I don't know. I feel confused, lost, worried, scared. I feel like despite his condition, he deserves as much care as anyone and his life is just as important as anyone else's when it comes to whether or not he's missing or in danger. Does wanting to know that he's safe and helping however I can make me the bad guy, an enabler, part of the problem?