hi Nichole, it seems you have a load of stuff all bundled up together. Alcoholism, suicide, AA, guns, husband. It would be hard for anyone to know where to start to unravel all of that but you do need to start somewhere and I think stopping drinking is the logical and best place to start.
There are lot of recovery methods, not just AA, but AA does have the huge benefit of having real people and support around you and that's not such a bad thing. If fact, for many its really useful and valuable, especially at the start of recovery. Maybe you could commit to stop drinking and then after a day or two, once your head starts to clear a little you could see how you feel about AA and go from there?