Originally Posted by
julietUK 
I want to delete all this and not post it. But I have to. I feel as if I am having a breakdown. I can't stop crying. I am too old the start afresh but I have to do. Thank you all for being here. I should be celebrating 2 months today but I feel I will never break free from the past. I read all the things that says the past shouldn't define you, but I think it does. What is wrong with me that I put up with all that. No one else would. I never even knew I was so weak. Sad thing is he spotted it.
Don't delete it. You are confronting things - that takes courage.
Don't stop crying. Get it out. It's healthy.
You aren't too old. Do stop telling yourself that. Granted, it's a valid feeling - don't deny reality, we don't have to be naive - but you have a LOT of life left. And at this point days of drunk-ness are like dog years. We wasted so much time then. A day of sobriety is like 7 days of being drunk. Or more. Practice changing your frame of reference? Wasted time - that's one perspective. Much productive, sober time ahead? That's another perspective. I prefer the latter. You don't have to stay shackled to guilt, shame and regret.
I'm an emotional mess right now too. You aren't alone. But we're sober so there's hope.
Hang in there and stick close. This place - and I - care. Thank you for sharing your story. It helped me realize I'm not alone. Whether you knew it or not you are already having a positive impact on people.
Treat yourself to something - a hot bath, some ice cream, a walk - whatever. You've made a courageous decision. Feel good about yourself for that.
-B