SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - I've quit everything and now can't handle the emotions.
Old 03-04-2018, 03:54 AM
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julietUK
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: yorkshire UK
Posts: 872
I've quit everything and now can't handle the emotions.

I never told anyone on here but I also used weed as well as alcohol. I have given that up to. I feel as if all the emotions I repressed I am now feeling and it is not nice.

I can't stop crying, I was like this the other day but not for long and I felt better for it afterwards but this time I just can't stop. I have been up since 8am and crying since then, its now 20 minutes to 12 and there seems to be no let up.

I have made such a mess of everything. I married a man I knew was bad for me; I went back to him in a moment of weakness (drunk of course) and then married him. He was an emotional abuser but comes across as the perfect man. We have split up now, I did find the courage to leave him, but I can't get out of my head what a fool I have been and what I put up with. He got so much worse once we were married. I was trapped with nowhere to go, and he knew that. I still haven't told my family I have left him cos I know they would think it was me. It wasn't me, he was evil and cruel. His last wife drank herself to death and I came close. No matter what the situation between us he still bought me booze, every day, as much as I wanted. Think he realised I was easier to manipulate drunk. He is an alcoholic too, another reason for not wanting me sober.

I know I am rambling but I felt I have to post and be honest. I knew deep down that the weed was helping me repress my feelings, much more than booze. But I didn't realise it was to this degree.

I am 53 years old and for the first time in almost 40 years I am dealing with life with no mind altering substances. It hurts like mad. Like many emotional abusers firstly he isolated me so I had no social support, everyone is on his side because the don't know who is really is. Since I left him I have been able to see my friends without him there and it is good. But somewhere along the way I have lost people, I don't work cos on paper I work for him. I have spent the last week not talking to a single person. I really don't know when this happened. I used to be so busy, in fact I didn't get enough time to myself. I just don't know how I ended up so alone. I think he is just sitting waiting for me to relapse and go back. But that will never happen.

I want to delete all this and not post it. But I have to. I feel as if I am having a breakdown. I can't stop crying. I am too old the start afresh but I have to do. Thank you all for being here. I should be celebrating 2 months today but I feel I will never break free from the past. I read all the things that says the past shouldn't define you, but I think it does. What is wrong with me that I put up with all that. No one else would. I never even knew I was so weak. Sad thing is he spotted it.
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