Wow SIB, I feel for you. I've been on the other end as the husband passed out with the wife feeling what you feel. I know that for me disappointing, hurting and lying to her were the initial motivators to try again to get sober.
But I also know it is ALL up to me. In the same way that it is all up to your wife. It's clear her drinking is horribly abusive and destructive. Which doesn't mean she can't right her ship, so many people on this site have.
Does she want help?