Originally Posted by
Codimum 
It’s very sad that this is happening after 30 years and building a life together. The thought of divorcing and dealing with all that must seem like a nightmare.
I read a great ebook that you might want to read by a guy called Doug Kelley who was in the same place as you are now.
‘Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide’ which can be downloaded from
Empowered Recovery - Help for Alcoholic Relationships
I hope things work out for you.
I have read the book.
I understand what it says.
My wife is not a raging alcoholic although there have been rages in the past.
While the book is geared towards an alcoholic who is not actively trying to recover, my wife is. She wants to recover. That makes this all so much harder. She is a great person who has had a rough childhood. Those issues surface periodically.
This reading is showing me i need to move on. I hope we can do this amicably. She is a reasonable woman when not drinking so i hope mediation will work as it will save lots of money and stress.
I would of course like to avoid this breakup after so many years together... good ones too. I'd hate to break up the family and the business.
A last kick in the head - she has cheated in the past, once PA long time ago (we worked through it) and two times Emotionally with gay workmates. I know how can she have an affair with a gay guy - trust me on this, when they have her heart, get jealous and turn her against me, thats an affair.
We now have a "no opposite friends" agreement in place to prevent that from happening again. Yesterday at a meeting a new comer - gay guy - was there and she "bonded" with him and they went out for coffee together. I received an accidental text from him meant for her. Thats how i found out. I confronted her on it and she now says he is just an aa member in need so she has every right to have coffee with him after the meetings. This does not fly in my book. I consider it a date and a violation of our agreement. Am I being too strict with my boundary here? My instinct is no I am not and she is setting herself up for another EA with a gay friend and future coffees alone with other men.
Opinions please cause this the THE deal breaker for me.
If she truly wants to stop drinking and continues her meetings and actually does stop drinking the marriage can continue. But meeting other men for "fellowship" does not fly with me at all and is grounds for divorce, Period. No grey area here.
What are you thoughts as I am not too familiar with AA's fellowship program.