So after a nights sleep, I do feel more able to function today.
I will reiterate this though, it is soooo much better out of the house than in with my XAH.
I still do not regret doing what is best for my kids and I and leaving. My XAH was a very high functioning A when I left but the writing was on the wall. I believe he could still hold it together while I was there. Once we said enough, he started to unravel.
I believe he has always been an A but I was just too young and naive to see it at the time. But that coupled with diagnosed PTSD from his job and I truly believe his mind shattered being doused in booze day in and day out for the past 6 years.
My circumstances are extreme. But after getting my older son out of the situation he has flourished. He went from an anxiety wracked child to a honor society, freshman playing on the varsity golf team. I am so proud of him.
My younger son will be okay also, kids are very resilient. Try many counselors until you find someone good. My youngest is currently having to take anti nausea medication from the doctor because his stomach is always so upset since the most recent incident. He will be okay though, because I will make sure he will be okay.